Faith fa fa fa fa Faith

it's monday.  i'm assuming that means you've just spent an entire weekend out there in the wild searching for your yes, right?  yeah, me too.  totally.  i didn't get distracted by work or sweatpants or birthday parties either.  go us.

so.  you've been looking.  

and i'm guessing you've mostly found a bunch of no's.  and that's good, remember?  so let's talk about what to do when you find your yes.  because i'm sure you totally want to impress your yes with a secret handshake and the kind of conversation that will leave your yes saying, "this guy is awesome, where has he been all my life?"

it's easy.  once you find it, you say it.  let's practice...

repeat after me: "yes".

c'mon.  say it.  see how it feels.  try it on for size.

pretty nice, right?  powerful stuff, that little yes.  liberating.  empowering.  did you just puff up your chest, throw out those peacock feathers and strut around a little bit?  because it'd be ok if you did.  this whole saying yes thing is something to be proud of, my friends.  it's no easy feat.  even when you're just practicing.  

this saying it part is where that tiny little thing called faith fa fa fa fa faith comes in.  it's a doozy, taking that leap.  we don't always know how far the fall will be.  we don't always know what's at the bottom.  but you know what faith filled people do know?  that it's not their job to know any of that.  it's their job to jump.  you know, if God asks them to.  if you've been led to a turning point, take the turn.  if you hate it you can always turn back around and try again.

so you find it, then you say it.  what happens next?

you say it to other people.

this accomplishes two things:

1.  you won't be able to back out of trying.  like when i decided to run my first half marathon and i told everybody i knew so that i couldn't back out or they'd see me for the lazy slob that i really am on the inside.  just like that.

2.  it makes it real.  it gets your friends/family/neighbors/co-workers/innocent strangers involved with your endeavor and gives them the tools to cheer you on... and maybe even get involved themselves.

so say it.  make it real.  put it out there.  trust it.

have faith.

(like this... kind of)

Yes, No, Youbetcha

affirmative, all right, amen , aye, beyond adoubt, by all means, certainly, definitely, evenso, exactly, fine, gladly, good, good enough, granted, indubitably, just so, most assuredly, naturally, of course, okay, positively, precisely, sure thing, surely, true, undoubtedly, unquestionably, very well, willingly, without fail, yea, yep, youbetcha, yes.

question:  have you found the thing that you feel this way about?

that really is the first step in a suc'yes'full (bennifers, i can't stop) yes experience.  before you can say it, before you can keep it, before you can look back and see how long were were being prepared to be in a place where you'd know what do to with it... you have to find it.

i think it helps to look at other's people's.  mine is adoption.  yours most likely won't be.  or it could.  whatever.  that's not the point.  the point is that it's yours.  not everyone understands my yes.  read more about that here and try not to fall in love with my friend, meesa. i dare you.  i digress.  not everyone understands it because it's mine.  my dream.  my north.  and while we're looking around taking in other's people's yeses, let's try to remember to support one another.  unless they are jeffrey dahmer.  then don't support them.  pretty sure that's the law.

put your search out in to the universe and see what happens.  ask people.

you: "have you seen my yes?"

the rest of the universe: "what a whack job..." (nervously grabbing a hold of their kid's hands and pulling them away from you)

or maybe don't.  people will think you've lost your marbles.  my point is, just put it out there.  try different things.  go for a hike without your ipod.  volunteer with big brothers big sisters.  run a 5k that raises money for cancer research.  cook a meal for someone that could use a little extra help lately.  go in search of your yes.  

what's the worst that can happen?  you find a bunch of no's instead?

well, guess what no's are?  affirmation that they aren't your yes.  how many jobs have you worked until you found the right one?  how many houses did you look at before you finally made an offer?  how many people did you date until you found the one you should be with?  i bet the answer is a lot.  mine sure was.  but as far as the dating world goes not like in a 'man, that girl gets around' way (fingers crossed), but enough to learn what i didn't want.  enough to know what didn't feel right.  enough to say no. and saying no can be a powerful thing too.  so for the sake of our yes generation, let's just call the plethora of no's preparatory moments.  not wrong turns.  not mistakes.  not failures.  every no just sharpens the end of the arrow so when you hit that yes, you stick.

maybe you said yes to the wrong thing at 22.  maybe you're 37 and still haven't said it.  either way, we're all just looking.

keep looking.

it's out there.

promise.

Michael Jordan and Me

wow.

what a weekend.

your prayers for sweet sara were most definitely heard, my friends.  and i can't thank you enough for them.  thursday and friday we at the raining season were flooded with leads to hospital connections, monetary donations to cover her current medical needs, new sponsors to assist in her extended specialized care, phone calls checking in on her status, and lots and lots of prayer.  i have been so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love people have shown.  when it is appropriate to do so i am going to individually name these people and probably open mouth kiss them for what they've done.  ok.  not the last part.  but you get my drift.  i won't do it.  i promise.  but i am going to hug them.  for an awkwardly long amount of time.  because what they have done is good.  and important.  and sara deserves to be loved that way.  so for now, a proper thank you.  i'll save the gushing for later.

quick update:  sara has been on iv fluids to hydrate, and successfully underwent a procedure that dilated her esophagus so that doctors can start getting nutrients into her.  today we will get a report from her surgeon in sierra leone that will tell us the extent of her scaring and recommend further treatment and surgeries to improve her health and quality of life.  bottom line?  we need to get sara to the states on a medical visa.  she requires an amount of care that she simply cannot receive in her current location.  so please keep up the prayers for our sweet girl!

alright, onward and backwards.  to the whole yes conversation we started last week.

have you been thinking about your yes?

- have you found it yet or are you still looking for it? - 

have you been thinking about where you are in this whole yes game?

- have you said it yet or are you standing on the edge sticking one toe in first? - 

since i'm asking the questions i'll go ahead and answer them first.  (giving the gift of letting people go second is one of my favorite gifts to give.  but mostly because i'm an oldest child and therefore loud and sometimes bossy.  not because i'm generous and brave.  but generous and brave sounds better, so let's go with that.)  yes, i've found my 'yes'.  yes, i've said my 'yes'.  but only recently.  this whole yes business is still something that i am sorting through.

let's start at the beginning.  well, the beginning of the beginning.  my yes found me fairly quickly.  an overnight success yes.  or, if you love a good 'bennifer' as much as i do, an overnight sucyes.  the kind of overnight success where years of preparation finally meet opportunity, and... boom.  you're michael jordan averaging 28.2 points per game in the nba.  or, boom... you're adopting 4 kids from africa.  basically the same thing.  (just go with it.)

this preparation stage fascinates me.  how long was i being worked on before i said yes?  just when did this preparation stage start, and how long of a road was it to get me to a place where i was capable of and willing to say yes?  how many different things happened along the way that set me up for this perfect storm type moment?  what got me to this place?  let's work backwards:

take your daughter to work day.  i accompany my mom to the neonatal intensive care unit where she works and rock babies all day.

i babysit and work at a day care in the summers during my high school years because i am hardwired to love kids.  not when they have colds and sneeze on me though.  gross.

i move to boston to attend music school.

i move to nashville and begin my career as a songwriter.  this means i won't make enough money for awhile to donate anywhere, so i choose to donate my time instead.

i begin volunteering at the children's hospital on the hematology/oncology unit.

at some point during this time period my friend mae and i begin to clock hours and hours and, you guessed it, hours of time on her porch talking about our future adoption dreams.  we begin reading katie davis's blog, become fascinated with her story, and first learn about 147 million orphans.

4 years of volunteering later and the loss begins to take a toll on me after losing one of my favorite patients who we'll call "d".

i have a conversation with a friend who tells me that he thinks the boundaries of hospital volunteering are limiting me.

i stay up all night researching orphanages in africa that i can take a trip to in search of something even bigger.

the next day i have lunch with one of my friends (who i have been having a lot more lunches with recently to repair some damage we did to our friendship - important because if we haven't done that damage we wouldn't have spent so much time trying to fix it, and might never have had this life changing lunch... talk about good coming from bad) who mentions that she just met two local women who started and run an orphanage in sierra leone and asks me if i want to take a trip with her there someday.  it is serendipitous timing.

she sets up a lunch with the kelly and erica, the women at trs.  at this lunch they tell me about the adoption ban, the forever family initiative they have created (skype once a week, travel once a year until the child(ren) are 18) to give the kids family in the meantime, and show me the first picture of g&g.

i stay up all night researching everything i can about this orphanage.  blog posts from missionaries, facebook photo albums from previous travelers, video footage of a child dying from malnutrition...  i don't sleep a wink because i am reaching for my phone every 20 minutes to say yes to being a forever family to g&g.  every time i start to dial, i get scared and hang up.

wake up the next morning, begin running errands, keep up the every 20 minutes routine, pull up behind a car with a 147 million orphans bumper sticker, and realize that they are the reason i began thinking of this whole adopting thing in the first place.  decide i'll call kelly to say yes to g&g when i'm done running errands.

2 blocks later i rear end that car directly on their 147 bumper sticker.  they have a dent the size of a golf ball and a $200 repair, my car is crunched up like an accordion and totaled.  subtle hint?

i say yes to g&g.

i meet josh.  he knows about g&g and our forever family from the beginning.

the adoption ban lifts between our first and second date.  i s*#t you not.  i am on board to adopt g&g.

josh and i have a conversation about me losing my favorite patient, "d" and how the last time i saw her one of her nurses kept calling her "e" because that's what her chart said, but she went by her middle name, "d".  josh told me that his sister's name was "e", and that he had recently lost her.  (this is where if i was writing a book i'd talk about josh's entire preparation journey that got him to a point where he'd be open to say yes to something this big, this brave, this bold.  this is where my preparation collides with his.)

josh gets on board with adopting g&g.  i quickly discover that he is my lobster.

i start saving pictures or m&m so g&g have pictures of their siblings.  josh starts to fall in love with them through those pictures.

we find out that m&m's forever family isn't going to adopt and we start praying. hard. 

we find out that m&m's forever family has decided that they can no longer be a forever family.  we decide to add m&m to ours.

i travel to sierra leone for the first time and it quickly becomes apparent that we are supposed to keep this family together.

i return from my trip, josh and i continue to pray about it, and decide that we are now a family of 6.

i can't make this up, people.  look at how far back this goes.  i have been being prepared, built, designed to be ready for this since i was 13.  and probably even before that, but i just bored you with a 20 minutes timeline read, so let's just go with 13 for the sake of your youth.  this was all a part of God's plan for my life.  for families to change so that ours can too.  for friendships to ebb so they can later flow.  for instagram pictures to come up with scriptures that support my blog posts just before i go searching for the prefect verse.  you know.  coincidentally.  

see?

key words: prepared in advance.

for people who are more prone to go with the flow, this preparation might not feel like it.  it might just be.  for people who are a little more, um how shall i say this nicely, headstrong, *cough* yours truly *cough*, this process might be a little harder.  the molding and shaping might be a little more painful when it's resisted.  either way, it will happen.

i want to encourage you to go with the flow.  i want to encourage you to look at these sometimes painful periods as you being shaped out of what you were and in to who you will be.  hang on.  be patient.  stay open.  keep listening.

and come back tomorrow so we can keep talking about this.

xo,

m

Generation Yes

i had a really wonderful, inspiring, and three hour long conversation with a friend last night about one of my favorite words.  for those of you that know me, you will be surprised to learn that this word is not something inherited straight from the mouth of a dirty old sailor.  so shocking, right?  (i still stand my ground on the point that every now and then a choice four letter word is really the best punctuation you can add to a sentence.  but more on that some other time).

the word we were talking about is *#%.  

just kidding.

it's 'YES'.

she asked about my adoption journey and how i came to say yes to it in the first place.  we spent a good amount of our time together recounting the timeline of my story and where that first big yes took it's first big breath.  how i got involved with the raining season, when i first met gerald and geraldine, when josh showed up (and why on earth didn't he take off running the other direction screaming and waving his hands in the air like any normal person would do?),  how mohamed and mamie came to join our family... things of that nature.  all of it came back to that first yes.

which got me thinking...

i can't be the only one out there that has said it.  everybody's got a yes, whether it's in front of them or on it's way.  everybody's got one.  

some people are looking for it.  

some people are heading toward it.  

some people are staring it in the face and telling it no. 

some people just said it.  

some people said it to the wrong thing.  

some people have said it and are burned out from all of the yeses that have followed.

i want to talk about it.  all of it.  whether we like it or not, we are a yes generation.  we are being asked to say it so let's look at what that means.  or we could just sit around waiting for the real adventure in life to find us and twiddle our thumbs for a decade while, obviously, singing amy grant's 'oh how the years go by' because she's amy flippin' grant and her work should be celebrated so what else would you be singing while you have all of that time on your hands?

do me a favor.  think about your yes.  if you don't have it yet, start asking yourself questions to help you find it.  here's a starting point... if you could do anything, and i mean anything, with your time on earth what would it be?

think it over.  then come back tomorrow.  let's talk more about this.

happy hunting,

m

editor's note:  don't say yes to drugs.  that's all.  well, or maybe manslaughter...