gung ho heart: Destiny's Child

it's no secret that not everyone has been supportive of our decision to adopt. some because they don't agree with it. some because they were caught off guard by it. some because they don't understand it.

i have been told that i should take my facebook page down and stop advertising that i am adopting "72" orphans. i have had people tell me to my face that i am crazy. i've had people talk behind my back about my life being over. and you know what? this isn't entirely disturbing to me. because my life is over. my old life. the one that was full of words like "me" and "i want" and "now" and that was missing much more beautiful words like "we" and "they" and "my children". the life that i wasn't supposed to be living anymore has given way to the life that i am supposed to live from here on out. i couldn't be happier about it. if i could have a funeral for my old life i would. i'd invite ex boyfriends and old insecurities and said naysayers (and probably some of my personal worst dressed list moments) and i'd tell them sayonara and i'd obviously hire destiny's child to perform because it would be hilarious and awesome and everybody would be so jealous that beyonce was at my old life's funeral... i digress.

i have been told some discouraging things. and then yesterday something great happened. my sweet, dear, incredible friend meesa wrote this over at 365 days of country music.

go on. read it. please. then come back so we can finish this conversation. go on. i'll wait.

adopting too many orphans is a good thing - by 365 days of country music

oh hey! it's you. welcome back. are you still crying from how sweet she is? you could be reading this post in 3 weeks and i bet i'll still be teary eyed...

first of all, let me say how absolutely invaluable it is to my well being in this process to have someone on the "outside" of this adoption world truly understand how my heart is designed. she knows me. and she knows how to say things much more eloquently than i have wanted to in a few choice situations. thank you thank you thank you, meesa.

secondly, it is of importance to note that i don't harbor unwarranted anger over people not understanding. i have certainly had my blood boiling moments but, heck, i didn't understand this once upon a time. i didn't understand that we are designed to take care of one another. maybe a person has to see it firsthand. maybe the need has to be underneath our feet and in our lungs and peeling back our eyelids before we can no longer ignore it. and now that i've seen it i can't ignore it. simple as that.

thirdly (it's a word if i want it to be one), i realize that not everyone is cut from the same cloth. some people have the courage to work with children with cancer, some people have the patience to work with adults with alzheimer's, some people run marathons pushing kids in wheelchairs, some people plan fundraisers... everybody's got their something. and this kind of passion distribution makes the world go round. well, passion distribution and the sun's gravitational pull.

and last (i wanted to say 'fourthly' but i'm pretty sure i used up all of your grammatical lenience with 'thirdly'), i want you to know that i am sorry. i am sorry that, at least once in your life, someone will be mediocrely excited about your dream. i'm sorry that, at least once in your life, someone will warn you against it. i'm sorry that, at least once in your life, someone just won't understand. i'm sure that i've been that person to someone. i'm sure that you've been that person to someone. and i know we can all do better than that. after all, this is someone's dream we're talking about here. and dreams are fragile things to be handled with care.

when a woman shares the news that she is pregnant i, barring any sort of terrible circumstance, certainly hope no one tells her that she is crazy. i hope that people's responses are filled with things like "congratulations!" and "i'm so excited for you!" and that those responses are followed by joyful inquiries about arrival dates and preparations. i hope that people are able to step inside of her dream and celebrate with her for a moment.

so, this is my dream. these are my kids. i am their mom. josh is their dad. a house in tennessee will be their home. i will try my best to give them the life that they deserve. i will fail. i will succeed. i will celebrate. and my sweet friend meesa will jump up and down and cheer and revel in it with me. for this, i am grateful.

thank you, suss. 143 6678. you know.

365 days of country music

i have slipped into a deep, inconsolable, depression.

last night i saw michelle williams of destiny's child second draft fame and i said nothing to her. nothing.

i mean, i spent numerous formidable teenage years driving around in my friend's mazda 626 blasting some DC (oh yeah we abbreviated their name and totally understood each other when we referred to them as such and i'm sure we were like the only fans ever to do this. whatevs). 7 o'clock in the morning on the way to school. 10 o'clock at night driving one mile radius circles around the popular gas station to see if any of our other friends had shown up yet to hang out in the parking lot (did i mention that there isn't a whole lot to do in suburban minnesota?) because we, obviously, couldn't be the first ones there. point being... we'd pop one of those cd's into our discman, plug in the tape adapter, and wear.those.records.out.

this morning i woke up giddy from my MW of DC sighting and began telling everyone i knew who would be even remotely excited about this.