Friday, January 4, 2013

Hormones, Whoremones... Potato, Potahto.

it's only noon and i have already cried three times today.

its a good thing that josh is at work and that i'm not going to write about this and post it all over the internet to protect him from people casting justified judgement about his choice in a mate.

yeah, real good thing.

but seriously.  three times in the four hours i've been awake.

what's to blame?

crazy phantom pregnant lady hormones.

think about it.  when a women gets pregnant (or in the case of 1994's 'junior' starring arnold schwarzenegger, when a man get's pregnant) her hormones go totally bananas for 9 months.  totally.  bananas.  she'll cry all of the time, she'll completely lose her s**t in traffic and scream never before heard combinations of cuss words at complete strangers like they can hear her through the windows, and one word defines her: irrational.  

i'm convinced that when you set out to adopt children the same thing happens.  

hormones are hormones.  you can't control them when you're a teenager and you certainly can't control them now.  in my head they look nearly identical to those hideous and vomit inducing snot balls on mucinex commercials.  they move in and take over, they disgust you that you're capable of producing such beasts and cause you to question all of your abilities when you can't get rid of them, and you will spend most of your time trying to shut them up in public.  you will also stoop as low as bribing them to contain themselves through a one hour meeting with the reward of an entire bowl of m&m's and a good cry on the couch when you get home.  you know, um... i've heard.  

if my theory is correct (and of course it's correct don't try to challenge me because i am irrational right now and who knows what i am capable of, remember?), i have been pregnant for 12 months... with 4 children.  that's like the pièce de résistance of hormones.

hormones, whoremones.  potato, potahto.

they are horrible and i can't wait for them to go away.  at least i don't have hemorrhoids? 

happy hormoning,

my hormones are totally the sweatsuit/fannypack combo


  1. Oh, that whole traffic cussing thing is me on a normal day!

  2. yup
    I remember crying on the drive home from work every single day, just keeping it together barely long enough to get out of the building and behind the wheel before bursting into tears, for no other reason than adoption hormones, boo!