africa. i'm back. from my second visit. and this time around i'm not so sure how to be back. i just experienced my husband meeting our children for the first time. husband? oh yes, husband. we also got married. and engaged. 12 hours before we got married. see? how do you come back from all of this?
i watched josh go through the same range of emotions i did on my first visit, only he was much more calm and collected than i was. like he had been fathering them their entire lives. jumped right in and started saying bedtime prayers and giving rides on his shoulders like a pro. i watched our littles find just the right bends in our arms for their heads to lay in. i watched our bigs sacrifice some of their precious time with their mom and allow the new children at the orphanage moments of holding my hand, knowing that they needed a little extra love. i watched josh explain to our children what asking a person to marry you meant, then get on one knee and do just that. i watched our girls walk me down the aisle. i watched our boys proudly standing beside their dad. i watched the orphanage's pastor, a good and wonderful man, marry us on the most beautiful beach.
i saw the best things these eyes have ever seen. and it's hard not seeing them back home.
i watched josh go through the same range of emotions i did on my first visit, only he was much more calm and collected than i was. like he had been fathering them their entire lives. jumped right in and started saying bedtime prayers and giving rides on his shoulders like a pro. i watched our littles find just the right bends in our arms for their heads to lay in. i watched our bigs sacrifice some of their precious time with their mom and allow the new children at the orphanage moments of holding my hand, knowing that they needed a little extra love. i watched josh explain to our children what asking a person to marry you meant, then get on one knee and do just that. i watched our girls walk me down the aisle. i watched our boys proudly standing beside their dad. i watched the orphanage's pastor, a good and wonderful man, marry us on the most beautiful beach.
i saw the best things these eyes have ever seen. and it's hard not seeing them back home.
"You don't live this kind of life accidentally. You make up your mind who you want to be and daily die to the rest. You surrender yourself to living in the tension where you'll always be stretched and often broken. Religion pure and undefiled is grit without the grime. You accept that far easier ways to live exist, but you were born for nothing less."
- Beth Moore (from her study on the book of James)
the last year of my life this raw but lovely summation has been... well, me. i am overflowing with joy, and in my next breath completely devastated over having to live so far away from my children. i am proud of my boldness, yet disappointed with my impatience. i have never felt more like me or so unlike myself.
i am ungracefully learning how to live in this tension, but i will always choose it. always.
why? because i know that i was born for nothing less.
nothing less than this:
i am ungracefully learning how to live in this tension, but i will always choose it. always.
why? because i know that i was born for nothing less.
nothing less than this:
Good Lord. Im a puddle. This is beautiful Meg. Hang in there. Because, I mean... Look at those freakin' faces. Ridiculous. This is just too much. I'll come back and re-read it later.
ReplyDeleteCrying. Again. Lordie. Love you & official congratulations to you and that sweet man of yours and on the family that will forever be yours.
ReplyDeleteoh wow. wow wow, a million times wow. too amazing, leaves me speechless, Megan. Megan ... what a gift from God you are ... a divine gift. a gift to my nephew, a gift to us his family, a gift to your children, a gift to Africa, a gift to the world. and did you really? really? YOU AND JOSHUA GOT MARRIED ALREADY????? I am THRILLED for you guys!!!!! And WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY, you precious little mama, wife, niece-in-love, sister in Christ, adorable loving thang you!!!!! We must CELEBRATE together, all of us, you Josh your children our whole family ... Praise God, our cup runneth over deliciously full ... LOVE Y'ALL!!!!!
ReplyDeleteso so SO crazy beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteand big big congrats!
Oh my gosh. I love you more every day. You are brave. And bravery is contagious. You are bold. And boldness is contagious. You are fiercely loving. And love is contagious. Thank you for making everyone you're around better. I love you. Can't wait to C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.E.!!!!
ReplyDelete